He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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