found the other keg... it's in the tree
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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