So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
