Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
