so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
