fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
