I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
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