so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
