Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
