I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
