She went from zero to smokin in five shots
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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