Your mouth is God's brothel.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
