have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
