I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Randomize
