I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
