Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Randomize
