Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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