Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I have post one night stand depression
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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