omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
