I have demons in me.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
