I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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