I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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