bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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