Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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