On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
bring money and cleavage
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
