I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
