I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
