Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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