Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
