whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
