ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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