3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
handjob tips. give me some.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize