A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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