The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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