dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
