So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
