The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
