hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
