Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
should my penis look like a turkey
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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