I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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