i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
