i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
