We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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