Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
