I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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