remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I am naked and annoyed.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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