I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just cropdusted the office
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
