The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
