Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
