Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
