When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
