remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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