that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
