I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Boobs speak an international language.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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